“The Father, The son and The Smoker”

- Excuse me, Sir. Can I talk to your son for a second?
- Of course.

[Calls son. Son casually walks down the stairs.]

- Yes?
- Yeah, hi. I was wondering if you had a smoke…
- I’m sorry?
- A smoke. Uhmm…a cigarette.
- Yeah, I know what a “smoke” is. But I’m sorry, I don’t smoke.
- Yes, I’m afraid this is a misunderstanding. My son doesn’t smoke.
- But…but I know you’re a smoker!
- Really? Are you a psychic? Because I’d really want to know the future outcome of a few things happening in my life, such as this thing I have for this girl I know…

[Father clears throat in an objecting manner.]

- Anyway, I don’t smoke, man. Now if you’ll excuse me…
- I know you’re a smoker! I once smelled it on you!
- What?!
- Hey, man. You’re really pushing this far. I mean, what the fuck?!
- This one time I bumped into you and smelled cigarette smoke on you, and I’m dead sure.
- Look, buddy. I’m aware that you’re entitled to your right to choose whatever lifestyle you wish to pursue. However, I should demand that you keep me out of your fantasies, which if I may add, sound rather twisted.
So, you may imagine whatever you want, but I do not smoke. Therefore, I couldn’t have smelled like tobacco. Q.E.D.[1]
- What?!

[Son sighs loudly.]

- Never mind.
- Give me a fucking smoke, You Cheap Asshole!
- What the fuck is your problem, Assface?
- What is my problem? What is your fucking problem? What is it? Not getting laid enough?

[Son jumps down and runs towards the smoker.]

- Guys, I don’t think this is an appropriate way for dealing with your problem.
- What problem?! What in fuck’s name are you talking about, Old Fart?
- Ahh, Lord…
- ARRRRGGGGHHHHH!
- Fucking prick! I’ll slice you up like a piece of Salami!
- I’ll fucking smash your head to pieces with your fucking hammer!
- May the Lord save us all.


F.FIRE July 26, 2005


[1] Quod Erat Demonstrandum, which in Latin means “That which was to have been proved.” Traditionally placed at the end of proofs, the QED is now usually indicated by a small square. Also, Q.E.F (Quod Erat Faciendum, meaning “That which was to have been shown.”) was traditionally used to mark the end of a solution or calculation.